Where do you call home when you’re born in Between?
Despite some of the difficulties that come with being transgender, I am grateful for the opportunity I’ve had, experiencing life as a “girl”. The lovely and amusing thing about this experience is that I cannot even say that I lived on one side of the coin of life – there are more sides to that coin than there are in a pair of dice.
Still, this context – growing up in the wrong body, with confusing social cues directed my way – has made it hard to feel stable in any one place. Though I know I identify as male, I also know it is not the only part of me and defines me only up to a point. Identifying as “trans” acknowledges my past and present, a community I am part of, and my approach towards life. I am never one thing, never defined by my presence.
Within my daily actions, the past sleeps, influencing, as it does in dreams. I am always on my way, moving, even as I react, act, or stay – my experience guides me. For ill or fair tidings, I know not, but I’ve come to accept that I will in good time. Whether I turn from past mistakes or continue practicing a pattern, I can view these hours as a life-time exploring who I am and what works for me.
So, where does one go if they’re born in Between? Forward, just as everyone else. One goes forward and brings the past with them, encapsulated in their own personal time machine – their body. This place – the body of the mind – this place is home. Graey Matters, a fog of thought that parts only as one walks through it; a fog that holds many destinations via many paths, but only one journey at a time. Take on the fog, fuel your fire, light your own path and know this: everywhere you’ve gone and been comes with you.
Between is a home of growth and change – an unclear house, but a blessing to be born into. And whether you know it or not, whether it’s plain to see or a secret place in your being, you have probably been born in an unclear house. Rarely, if ever, do people live with just one name, nor just one life.